Dear Diary . . .

i have my yearly physical tomorrow, which has been rescheduled, like, three times now. and in the past... idk... six or so months? i've gained about 40lbs. Yeah.... Yeah:/

it's not a good feeling, i can't lie. it's mainly my meds, or at least i think that's the cause. but it also could be my thyroid and i wanna make sure it's nothing related to that either... but regardless, gaining so much weight so quickly never feels good. i feel gross. i feel ugly. i feel bad.

and i know that's something for me to work on. and i did talk to my therapist about it yesterday. and talking to them did help a ton. but talking to my epic therapist doesn't erase the weight on my body, just gives me ways to cope with the feelings it brings.

and i can't lie. i'm nervous either way for the appointment. AGH!