11/25/24
feeling: deranged
watching: chris james
latest obsession: arcane
last song played: Kiss Me Right by keshi
current weather: cloudy, 43°F
ARCANE SEASON TWO SPOILERS AHEAD!
just a little bit left of the semester... just a little longer.. and then i am free.. then i can yaoi til my heart is content..
okay listen. i have had so many jayvik brainworms. they have taken over. they are everything to me.
and i cannot believe we got fucking devilman crybaby'd.
1 of the 2 creators say they're not canon. but like. i have eyes babe. what kind of homosexuality was that. "youre not broken viktor" and theyre love saves the entire world. Okay.
Okay.
sorry that this diary entry is just jayvik rambles because literally it's all i have to offer right now. my brain is rotten. i am a fujo til the end. truly. Anyway.
what else is happening. i'm genuinely trying to think. idk. i'm trying to not think about the family problems and distracting myself with yaoi. what's fucking new. What/s fuckding new. what's new there babes!!!! like. i'm so stressed in terms of finances and family issues but it doesn't rlly matter if i can write some banger yaoi about it. (and still get the majority of my work done for class) Yknow. It's fine. I'm coping. I'm grinding my shit out. I'm functioning mostly. It's alright. Smiles:)
11/07/24
feeling: brave
watching: lilsimsie
latest obsession: Tumblr
last song played: Strawberry soda by Loossemble
current weather: sunny, 52°F
despite everything.. i'm feeling okay. which sounds.. weird? but.. i feel okay. i gotta keep going, y'know?
i gotta finish this stupid FUCKING essay. Omfg. Dies. no but seriously i am NOT looking forward to that. after i finish this blog update, that's what's next on my agenda. and i'm putting it off for as long as i can. LMFAO HGFKJHSLKD T_T
i did get t1k in the last event in project sekai !! which has helped my mood a bit since it was what i was aiming for. t672 !! if you ever saw someone named "eli clark" (yes from idv) tiering.. that was me. LOL.
and getting off twitter has helped my mood a ton too T_T maybe i don't feel as pressured to write, but maybe that's a good thing? i still want to, but my projects don't feel as pressing, as urgent. i have about two months to finish both of them which feels like a bit of a breather. it's like .. i don't have to write everyday. i can rest just a bit. i can take care of myself right now. i'm back on my grind today, but if i feel like watching a movie after working on my essay tomorrow, i could do that, too. it's not required of me to grind out a fic everyday like i did last month. y'know???
i just.. feel a lil bit better. one day at a time. one step at a time. maybe these 4 years will be bad in the long run for us all, but that will give me, myself, another 4 years to fix things. just like before. just like always. we'll make it, y'all. we will take care of each other. make sure you take care of each other.
love each other.
all the love </3
11/02/24
feeling: numb.
watching: Emongg
latest obsession: PikiDiary
last song played: Miracle Paint by WXS
current weather: sunny and clear, 31°F
it's my uncle's funeral today. i don't really know how my dad is doing besides bad. he's pacing around the house like a mad scientist in a rush, like a marathonist during their final sprint. for what reason, i have no clue. besides his brother being dead, of course. and him having to face his narcissistic, abusive mother. i don't blame him for being a fucking wreck. it's making me nervous, but this isn't about me. while my uncle's death did effect me, this isn't about me. this is for my dad and his brothers. not their mother, really. i don't want to give her that satisfaction. but. my dad perpetuated the cycle of abuse, sure. yeah. blame him for being a man or whatever the fuck i don't know. i blame him for it all the time. i'm not blaming him for anything today. i just wish i could do more for him. i don't know what else there is for me to say, for me to do, besides just go and be there, be there and not make a scene, be there to support my father while he grieves one of the worst experiences in his life. i'm sorry, dad. i'm really sorry.content warnings: family death, talking about my father in both a positive and negative light.
