07/24/24
feeling: ANX I OU S
watching: evil pinely (summer edition)
latest obsession: pc collecting ++ tiering ....
last song played: Slide to Me by ATEEZ
current weather: hazey, 82°F
i am soooo so extremely very stressed about my vacation in (checks watch) t-minus 1 day, 2 days til the concert, and my mom is making me FREAK MY SHIT1!!!!!
first of all she's making me worried about the storm on the day of the concert. fyi i already have a terrible phobia of storms esp thunderstorms and while there isnt a high chance During the actual concert, the afternoon before has a pretty high chance of storms and my mom is like "IT'lL gEt RaiNed oUT" (spongebob meme yknow) and i'm already shaking in my boots worried about Driving With Her. NOW THIS? now this. now fucking this. she's been in a depressive episode for awhile so i know i should be gentle with her but she's been taking all of her rage out on me and i can't be gentle any longer. Yknow. i can only take being a punching bag for so long before i snap.
anyway i wanna buy more photocards but i need to save for the concert but i'm not even SURE if we're going because of what's been going on with my mom and how back and forth she's been. Genuinely y'all i think she's who i got my BPD from. Like talk about borderline genetics omfg. She had to educate herself on how to deal with me? LOOK IN THE MIRROR QUEEN!
anyway LOL i'm sorry it's been sooo rough recently and i'm just the smile and wave boys smile and wave quote from Madagascar. that's me all the time ++ fuck it we ball. my mindset always. anyway how are you guys. i wish i could have comments on here but i'm stupid and dumb and also don't wanna pay for supporter to take the easier way out for comment boxes LOL. i'll probs enable a chatbox or smthn soon :O
ooo wait let me do that. Hope y'all like my new chatbox on the homepage. It's your friend treat it as such :P
okay mwah bye i'm in a weird mood if you can't tell. it's bc i've been crying on and off for awhile but i'm trying to pick myself up. Take care lovers.
07/15/24
feeling: not great tbh
watching: emongg still LOL
latest obsession: my damn photocards and ateez
last song played: Skin by ATEEZ
current weather: sunny, 81°F
i've been pretty depressed lately T B H.
To Be Honest with y'all.
But i gotta lock the fuck in for ateez in like two weeks. TWO WEEKS! this is what's keeping me alive. that and the fact i need to reorganize my photocards so terribly LOL.
but yeah i'm not doing that good. i'm trying my best and i was gonna ask for a therapist when i see my new psych tomorrow. so that's cool. but yeah.
this is gonna be a short entry and i know it but ufgjksh i don't know what to say i'm just so numb. So So numb.
but i'm truly trying really hard.
anyway who's balling I SURE AM!
07/10/24
feeling: decent...?
watching: emongg
latest obsession: photocard collecting...
last song played: Drop Pop Candy by GIGA
current weather: cloudy, 76°F
AHGFJKHDSLKFJLDS oh my god why do i still feel SHACKLED by that one fanfic. maybe working on one thing for too long rotted my brain and now i feel indebted to the demon that allowed me to finish it or something. maybe part of my soul is gone. maybe i'm like... in purgatory. that would explain a lot of things. but whatever. now's not the time for that.
i'm on my pc collecting grind again. working at a kpop store has not helped my spending habits but it's chill at least i'm buying fun things not drugs. and i Am smoking less. speaking of drugs. while i do smoke for medicinal purposes, i am smoking less and i feel that's been a bit beneficial overall. while smoking does help a lot of my pain management, it doesn't help my mental all that much. so it's a good balance i think!! :D
but anyway. photocards. i'm praying to GOD i can get the ateez one i've been eyeing on our spreadsheet since the comeback started that we JUST GOT IN and i don't work for a few more days WAILSLLLLLSJKFHL :(((
gummy bear yunho:( come home to me:(
speaking of ateez as well! i'm seeing them again :D i feel like i mentioned this but in case i didn't:: WAHOO ATEEZ CONCERT PART TWO! with no car accidents this time. that's for sure.
okay i have so much ramblings in me but also no thoughts so i'm gonna go byeeeee ;P
07/05/24
feeling: achey
watching: Ammy Robinson
latest obsession: ArtFight!
last song played: Growing Pain by TXT
current weather: sunny, 77°F
i FINISHED. The DAMN fic. OH MY FUCKING GOD.
9.6k words. i am astounded i finished at all to be honest. especially in time for REVEALS. i am so so proud of myself. especially regarding the time i finished it around.
my grandma passed a year ago. my abuser broke up with me five. this has been a hard few days. i've been a bit too sensitive. i've been a bit too angry. but i'm so proud of myself for pushing through. so so proud. i'm so proud of myself for going to work yesterday and barely getting into fights and not crying in public and just. even if it's hard i'm just doing it. i need to cry but i'll be okay. i'll be okay if i keep telling myself that and i keep going. just keep going.
anyway.
artfight, huh?
come follow me. Plea s.e.....
team crystals btw!! i'm gonna start attacking starting now, late start i know, but i'm DETERMINED !!
i have a really cute draft started for one attack :P
okay take care MWAH love u all teehee
